Unknown Speaker
Things like shopping addiction that take away our money are really tied to self sabotaging habits. So think about this. As a time in my life, I wanted bigger and better things for my life. But when I was broke, I didn't have the time anymore and I didn't have the money anymore. Therefore I had this convenient excuse to stay stuck where I was. And I would trick myself into believing I was happy bringing home and whose sweater got on sale, rather than actually achieving anything bigger or more daring with my life. Hey there, I'm Renee, a self proclaimed Shopaholic turned minimalist. In just three years, my family and I downsized our house paid off debt, and I learned to make passive income online. So I could work anytime, anywhere. We did all of this in pursuit of a life of more freedom, fun and flexibility. And the crazy part is, the more I detached from my stuff, the more I was able to let go of pesky habits like people pleasing, saying yes to everyone, and being who I thought I was supposed to be, rather than showing up authentically as who I am. That's why I want you to see the unstuffed podcast not as a place for all things decluttering and organization, but rather as a place where together we can unload it all. From donating those pants that no longer fit to bidding adieu to relationships that have run their course. I want you to see our time together as a place where you can unwind let go Come as you are no need to apologize for the mess. So let's shed some layers, drop some dead weight and start living a little less stuff. Welcome to the unstuffed podcast. Hey there, welcome back to the unstuffed podcast. Before we dive into today's episode, I wanted to take a quick minute to read a favorite review that I have from what one of you. This is from airy, yellow Luana. Hopefully I'm saying that right? I'm sure not. This review says thank you. I just found this podcast and it's a breath of fresh air. It really does feel like I'm just chatting with a new and wise yet down to earth and very relatable friend. Thank you for your honesty, encouragement and authenticity. Great content. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this review. I absolutely love not only reading these reviews from you guys, but sharing them with you on the air. So if you haven't taken the time to do a review, and you are someone who's been listening to the podcast for a while, it would mean absolutely so much to me if you would take the time to leave one, just so I can hear how things are going on your end. Now today's podcast episode, I want to share with you something that I've talked about a lot in social media and the blog but haven't really shared about yet in depth on the podcast. And that is how I stopped buying clothes for three years. And it changed my life and finances. The thing is, if you would have told me 10 years ago, whatever, that there would come a day that I would stop shopping completely. There's no way I would have believed you. Shopping was my life. Especially when I was a kid I was just going through this graduation book that my mom had created for me where everyone left little memories. And I couldn't help but kind of smile kind of be a little sad. When I read my grandma's were multiple times she talked about buying clothes and going shopping. And I love those moments so much but I also was going oh man, you know that's part of where my struggles came from was that I really learned to associate togetherness shopping with that together time. But clothes have always been my like clothes were always my life. I even was one of those people who had a shoe club membership. Not sure if anybody remembers those not sure if they still exist. I definitely don't get ads for them anymore. If I do and I said it out loud. I probably will. But my closet used to be jam packed with fancy high heels and tons and tons of bargain clothes. Then I stopped buying clothes for three years and it totally changed my life and my finances forever. It was not easy breaking the spending cycle because it had become a habit but it has been worth it every single day. Here is my story about why I stopped buying clothes for three years and how it changed my life and finances. So when I think back the day that I was crouched in my closet, hanging my head in shame not even wanting to wear these new clothes that I had just bought was the first time I kind of caught wind that I had a problem that I had a spending problem. It was so easy to get Caught up in the rush of spending tossing items into my shopping cart or throwing over my arm. But the happy high that I would get from doing this was always short lived. For so long, I struggled with this, like shame and guilt around spending, I didn't want to wear the clothes that I bought. But I was also too ashamed to return them to the store. So I would normally just kind of like, brush it off until myself it was no big deal, but it was really doing it from a place of shame and embarrassment. Let me tell you, nothing sucks more than a closet full of regret, and an empty checking account. I'm so thankful to have gone through the process of simplifying my wardrobe and slowly but surely kicking my shopping addiction. And if this is something you struggle with, I wanted you to know that I created a totally free Shopaholic survival kit that you can access in the show notes. This is just five of my simplest tips to help you kind of get in better alignment with your spending.
Unknown Speaker
Let me start off by saying I also didn't just stop buying clothes. And like instantly, my entire life changed. I think I always have this notion, anybody whenever I hear anyone's story, I somehow feel worse about myself because I'm like, Oh, they did it so fast, and so easy, everything was perfect for them. Because telling a story maybe takes 510 20 minutes. In reality, this was a lot of work behind the scenes. So I just really want that to be clear. Although making the shift, drastically changed everything. To that point forward, everything changed the day that our family decided that we weren't really living life on our terms. Again, this wasn't an instant realization. This was something that took us months and months to start going, ooh, something doesn't feel right in our life. Now, for so long, I personally just gave into shopping impulses. I had forgotten about any big dream or thing that I ever wanted for my life. When in reality, the things that I really wanted were things like traveling, I wanted to have a good solid marriage and strong family. And I really love being able to be home with my kids and soak up that time with them before they were grown. However, when it comes to came to our finances, our shopping habits, my shopping habits, were keeping us from all of these things. And that realization was so helpful. Since sharing our stories of downsizing and practicing minimalism. I have heard more and more from other people who have fallen into the same pitfalls of overspending like I once did. You know, I hear things like you spend your money before payday. Like, maybe you have nothing right now you're currently broke, there's nothing and your payday is two days away, and you already know how you're going to spend it. And I'm not talking about bills I'm talking about like you've already decided on brand new clothes, or shoes, or tickets or whatever it may be, you are pre spending your money. Telling yourself, it's just one more thing. I just need one more thing, this last thing and that I'm happy. That's it, kicking yourself after overspending. You know, because of the first two things you know, where you're going, Oh, my gosh, I did it again, I can't believe this. And then being to that place where you're too embarrassed to return stuff that you overspend on. Because I'm a big believer in going through hard things, and then helping anyone else out of those same struggles. I have showing up here to share my story with you. Not insisting that you follow my exact path because that never works. But hopefully giving you some ideas on things that you can apply to your life that are going to work for you. So in 2016, we started working on ditching our bad habits that we had built up. And that's when we downsize our house which allowed us to free up over $40,000 per year. Now, let me say yes, this is an insane amount of money. But it tells you number one, that's how much of how much money we were wasting every single year. Number two, we didn't have that much money to waste. You know, that's why we had credit card debt. So freeing up over $40,000 A year it makes me grossed out even like recently wasn't like how Renee rose, but that tells you just how bad it really was. And you might be surprised how quickly it gets away from you because I know $40,000 a year to wasted money isn't typical for everyone. I encourage you to take the time and really crunch your numbers for yourself. Take the time to evaluate how much you spend per week on unnecessary stuff because you might be surprised to find how much that number adds up to in a year. And you can do this by like you know those it can be those quick grocery purchases or the over the shopping impulses. like I was getting into, or it could be your consistent monthly bills that you're paying. But with stuff you're maybe not really using, like unused subscriptions. So here's kind of what we did. When we were able to free up this money it was we work to pay off our debt, we increase our retirement contributions, saved for emergencies, which was so helpful, I can't even express because when you're in that state that you've spent all of your money and then some sort of emergency pops up. It was like going into panic stress mode over and over every single month. And of course, we wanted to be able to travel more, so we started a travel account. It's so funny. How for so long, I allowed myself to think like, I just need more money. If I just had more money, if I've just had more money, let me be happy. If I just have more money can be easier, when in reality, it's going okay, what good can I do with the money that I currently have? It's a matter of looking at where we are and seeing where we might be holding ourselves back. Now, my shopping habits in the past consisted of shopping at any clearance sale, I could find. I would go shopping without any real purpose. If I looked down an aisle and saw those bright yellow or red clearance stickers, oh, my gosh, I made my way down that aisle so fast. I probably drooled and sprinted, and maybe are the same type of person, you know, like that. Your heart gets excited. And you you get super psyched up because you've seen all of these sales. And you know what those colors mean? And really, I simply wanted to spend money and and couldn't spend it fast enough. Clearance sales were like a jackpot. Or were they because there are really so many ways like these sale signs included, the words that they use, the colors that they use, that are designed to trick us into spending more money. And now I say this because today I gave myself a quick spritz of my vanilla perfume. I've always loved Vanilla E perfumes. But I got I went oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm wearing this because vanilla is a scent that stores have actually used to like pump through their stores through their events even. Or even like making fresh baked cookies, because the smell of vanilla has been shown to make people buy more. It's crazy. And it kind of makes sense. I guess maybe that's why like scented candles are such a struggle for so many people. But yeah, there are so many things that marketers that stores are strategically doing to get us to spend more. Anyway, instead of scooping up like a beautiful $40 sweater that I would see that would instantly catch my attention. I would tell myself No, avert my eyes and just book it to the clearance section. I buy five shirts at $5 apiece and convinced myself that I had gotten a bargain because I left the five items for less than the price of one item. But now I realized that by sticking to the clearance racks, I was playing it smaller and not allowing myself to own things that kind of truly made me feel more comfortable in my own skin. Five shitty things is not better than one quality, beautiful item that is going to be loved, like crazy. That's like saying, oh, you know what, if I had five really crappy boyfriends, that'd be so much better than my one really great husband. It's just it doesn't make any sense. It doesn't add up. But yet we believe it so often, especially when it comes to shopping. Looking back, I can clearly see that I was struggling with a shopping addiction. I had never thought a shopping addiction could be as serious as some of the other addictions that people face and some of the things we hear about. However, I've come to realize that anything, anything that takes away your control your time and your money has the power to become an addiction if we allow it to. And the thing is, you know, shopping addiction is so often seen as something like oh well girls be spending Oh shopping like Carrie Bradshaw or whatever, you know, hiding their packages from my husband. It's kind of seen as like a funny silly joke and just what us girls do.
Unknown Speaker
However, things like shopping addiction, that take away our money are really tied to self sabotaging habits. So think about this. As a time in my life. I wanted bigger and better things for my life. But when I was broke all I had the time I didn't have the time anymore and I didn't have the money anymore. Therefore I have this convenient excuse to stay stuck where I was. And I would trick myself into believing I was happy bringing home and whose sweater got on sale rather than actually achieving anything bigger or more daring with my life. And this is where I want to talk to you my dear listener because if you are somebody who feels like you are struggling with a shopping addiction, I want you to be so aware have this, those memes that we see the silly things that people post on social media about how it's just so cute and fun for women to shop and women just shop. If you're struggling with a problem, I guarantee you, this is holding you back from so much more. And that hurts my soul because I am one of those people who sees what this world could be if more women stepped into their power and what they are capable of. But when you're living in a state of brokenness, you're not able to step up and show up in that role that you were in fact, need to be living. And I feel this not only for myself, this was a journey I had to overcome as well. But it's something that I feel for you. I feel like you have big dreams, you have some grand idea of what you want to do for your life, something you want to show up some challenge you want to face, maybe you want to start a business, maybe you want to go back to school, maybe you are ready to start a family, maybe you are ready to leave a relationship. But when you're broke, all of those things are nearly impossible. And sometimes we keep that brokenness because then we don't have to venture out and do the scary thing. So keep that in your back pocket. And if it feels fitting, then I hope you can take it to heart and know that I know you are capable of so much more even if you don't quite believe it just yet. If you struggle with a shopping addiction, I have put together a few ideas that you can use just slowly shift yourself away from that Shopaholic status. So number one, separate yourself from stuff and your stat as your status and work. So so often, we put an emphasis on our outward accomplishments and our titles in life, right? We start to believe we don't only own our things, we start to believe that we are our things we believe that we are our possessions. So that means if we lose our status, aka, if we lose our stuff, we lose ourselves, we lose our status, we lose our worth. And that's not true. But a lot of times we believe it, this can show up in the form of buying cars that we feel make us look more wealthy or desirable. It can be dressing in a certain way that we believe will make other people like us more I just heard about this, like what's called Range Rover mom trend, where everyone wants to look like a Range Rover mom, and I'm like, What the hell is this? I have to Google it. And it's like a certain aesthetic, a certain look. And part of me was like, Oh, shit, I look like this. Sometimes I don't want to look like this. I don't want people to think I want to be a Range Rover, mom. But we think these things that we buy or if we look a certain way, we will all of a sudden have a certain status. separating yourself from your items and recognizing that you are whole and complete as you are is going to be one of the healthiest things you could do for yourself and your relationship to stuff. Number two, recognize that low vibe shopping. One thing I talked about in this shopping rehab course, is the idea of learning how to be a high vibe spender. All this means is learning to stand from a place of love, groundedness and peace, because the reality is that most of us will allow our days to get away from us. We show up for life and have little things go wrong fights that happen or even sneaky, subliminal messages that show up and make us believe like we're not good enough. Something about us is wrong. I say this because this was me yesterday, this was the story of my life. I wanted more than anything to just book it to target. Head to the Chip and Joanna Gaines section and by all these white minimalist Christmas aesthetic stuff in my brain, I was totally convincing myself that this is what I need to do. This is what I need to do. But here's the thing. What I have learned is that when I am in this race, the racy got a bike out of my state of mind that is low vibe shopping. That is me running from some sort of problem or some sort of thing that I don't want to acknowledge that is going through my mind or my heart. When all of this life stress piles on, and maybe it's for you it's really sneaky. Like Mine is like I couldn't have you been told you what was really wrong yesterday, I just knew I was in like a spending frenzy feeling. But we can sink to a place where we feel that panicked need to start purchasing things because we are desperately seeking the high that we get from shopping. So let me encourage you to recognize this urge as a sign from your body that you need some tending to. Which brings me to number three taking a pause. So Maybe instead of going shopping, take a hot bath, go for a walk, hit the gym, whatever works for you to distract yourself from your busy mind. And then when you're in a better place, allow yourself the space to journal about or talk through what these bigger underlying issues might really be. Whenever we shot from a place of panic, or lack, we are bringing those things that we buy into our home, that are carrying that same energy with them. And that quick burst of happy that we got, it doesn't last.
Unknown Speaker
There is no denying that in the midst of my shopping addiction, I live with a scarcity mindset. I believed I just needed one more thing to be happy, just one more paycheck was all of a take for me to have everything that I ever wanted. Spoiler, none of it ever worked. None of it ever made me happy, not long term, at least. So there are three things that feed our scarcity mindset. And these three things tend to be not recognizing our money core desires. So there is a reason that we all have for wanting more money. And a lot of times, I mean, almost in every single case, we are disconnected from it, we don't actually know why we might want to eat, we just think that we want it and when we're detached from that is when we are more likely to spend because we maybe think we're spending our money on a desire when we're really not, not able to connect to our emotions or our visions for our future. So bigger, deeper visions, like I said, connecting to that purpose, that stuff that you are meant for. When we are not connected to that we're going to get into those little quips and impulses. And lastly, shopping from a place of lack. So I use this example with like literally everything. If you've ever been in a place where you're like, I'm such a loser, and so pathetic, and you eat a piece of pizza, right? The next day, you might wake up feeling like absolute crap. Versus if you're like, Oh, I feel so great. You know what sounds really good pizza, I'm gonna have some on this call, have a girlfriend and see if she wants to meet me for a piece of pizza. You have pizza and you have wine. And the next day you wake up feeling refreshed, and great. It's because of the two different mindsets that you brought the two different energies that you brought to eating a piece of pizza. And the same thing goes for shopping. Now, if you yourself are thinking about doing a spending freeze or a shopping freeze, you may wonder if you should set a timeline or a deadline? And if so, let me add some perspective. So when I stopped shopping, I had no idea that I would stop buying bowls for three years. If someone had told me no workflows for three years, like I most definitely would have headed out I would have gone shopping in a panic, I would have bought as many things as they could. And I would have been like who are you to tell me I can shop if I want to I can do whatever I want. Personally, I didn't set a goal. And I think oftentimes setting a timeline can instantly make people feel that immense pressure and stress. So whenever I tell myself I won't do something for a certain amount of time. Like I said, it quickly becomes like all I can think about the only pizza for three days. Just like me I really feel for pizza right now I can eat pizza if I want to don't tell me what I can and cannot do pizza is actually good for me. You know, pizzas got all the food groups and I would make up every excuse to do a thing again. However, a lot of people are really successful with goal setting. It helps hold them accountable and they feel like they have an end date to work toward. So the best thing you can do is know yourself and know how you will respond to setting a timeline for your spending freeze. Now the big question for my clothing shoppers is what do you do when you are so used to shopping and bringing in new outfits all the all of the time to suddenly just being stuck with the wardrobe that you have? First of all, you don't have to do it the way I did. But if you're curious, here are some of the things that I use to help slow my need for spending. Number one I practiced daily gratitude I went over the top love and gratitude beyond the like I'm thankful for my novels and thankful for my food. I took the time to be grateful for every little moment to soak up the feelings of joy whenever I could. Because it allowed me to be present and be thankful for what I had which instantly takes away that need for more. They also created a capsule wardrobe I am not super set on capsule wardrobes. However, I still stick to them seasonally because I am a Minnesota girl. I will put away my winter wardrobe at the end of winter and at the end of summer I will put away my summer wardrobe. I do this so that there are fewer options in my closet. And because when summer rolls around again I get to pull out Want my summer wardrobe, it feels like shopping. I'm like, Oh, well, like I get to open up this package kind of thing. And I'm like, Oh, I've read about this tanktop who these shirts are so cute, I forgot about this dress. Yay, you know, I still get, they'll save a burst of joy because I allow myself to forget about some of the clothes that I had. One great way to get by without buying new clothes is by creating a capsule wardrobe. Limiting your wardrobe for like three months at a time is what some people do. doing stuff like this can really encourage you to get creative, and still make it feel like you get those new clothes every few months. So plus, using a capsule wardrobe can make you more aware of the clothes that you like and wear the most. If you only have 10 shirts to wear in a three month period, you find yourself wanting to wear maybe five of those shirts more than the others, then you can really start to gain perspective on your own personal style and what you're actually using. This also makes it easier to let go of those shirts that you were hanging on to when you begin to see that they really aren't serving any purpose. Of course, there's no better way to find your own style and save money by swapping clothes with friends who happen to wear the same size as you I can't tell you how thankful I am who have have this available to me when I paused my spending, you know, chances are your friends are getting bored of their clothes, you're getting bored with yours. going through and doing a clothes swap party doing on Facebook, you can do it in person is such a fun way to try out new styles without the financial commitment. And this is like a time when anyone could offer a pose that they're ready to donate instead of hauling them off to Goodwill, you can simply trade with one another. And I will say like trying on some of my clothes, my girlfriend's balls, you know, up to my money mindset in a lot of ways and made me more aware of certain styles that I otherwise wouldn't have tried. I was always a very girly girl. kind of fancy dresser I guess you could say. And I have a girlfriend who has a very like shabby chic, vintage II kind of feel. And some of her clothes really stuck with me. And I was like, you know, I really love this comfortable down to Earth Kind of look, I had another friend who only bought you know, high end expensive clothes. And some of them I would try on and be like, Oh, like this is really good quality feels really good. It fits nice. And now you know some of the stuff that I tried on that she had purchased. I only shop at those stores now because I know they've got good quality clothing. So I guess it's pretty obvious when I say that my finances improved. I stopped shopping because I stopped shopping, right? So I have more money. But here are some of the major money saving game changers. I cancelled my $40 shoe membership. I did the $60 per month athletic wear membership, I stopped using credit cards, which means I've stopped making those payments and I was paying less in interest. And I avoided clearance racks and got more intentional. So when I did go shopping, I would buy less maybe spending like more on one item. But because I was buying less and feeling less tempted to buy I was ultimately spending way less. When I did start shopping again, I should say when I stopped buying holes for three years, then I also stopped using credit cards. Credit cards are literally the devil for shopaholics. In the end, you end up paying more than you would have if you would have just paid cash in the first place. Plus, if you were paying in cash and you may have thought longer about your purchases, there's this thing where if we're handing our money in cash, you know we're more aware that we are giving away money that we are actually spending our money. And my husband Tom says when he has like a solid $100 Bill, he is less likely to spend it than if his wallet is filled with 20s. So that is another sneaky idea to keep in your back pocket if you struggle with overspending. Quitting credit cards and drastically reducing my shopping allowed me to put more money toward our debt and help us pay off our debt in those three years. And we even took a pause in between because it paying off debt can be kind of intense. Now instead of just spending whatever it wants, I make a spending plan for our monthly income that includes fun money, and I usually start my fun money going out with my girlfriends now rather than buying new clothes. If you have no clue how to even begin budgeting and you definitely want to learn how to manage your money better while still enjoying your life. Check out that free Shopaholic survival kit. Like I mentioned, it's in the show notes below and I'll give you some tips on how to get started in there. One of the best things that happened when I stopped shopping for three years is that I was able to completely reinvent and rediscover my own personal style. In those three years I started to really see a pattern in the clothes that I wanted to wear You're over and over again. Seeing those patterns helped me understand what my personal favorite clothing items are.
Unknown Speaker
And before shopping was just something I felt like I was doing, it was more like a sport. Now, before I even make a single trip to the store, I love going with like a high maintenance mindset. I love going knowing exactly what I'm looking for. And I refuse to settle like I will only buy things that are absolutely perfect. These are the kinds of empowering things that I share in my shopping rehab course because I believe that every single person, every woman, every person, should feel empowered going into a store with this knowledge of like I just this belief that I deserve the best. Rather than feeling like you're at the mercy of good marketing and clearance racks. So to put it simply, I buy stuff when I need it. And when I have the money for it. pre planning my purchases is one of the smartest things I've done to help keep control of my spending. And help me ensure that I'm going to wear the clothes that I bring home because I'm really slowing my roll on what comes home with me. Starting a minimalist journey required me to go through a lot of major life changes, including minimizing my wardrobe, and then finding a good balance with my clothing. The truth is, I have always loved feeling stylish and feeling comfortable. And when I wear it makes me feel more confident in my own skin. After I stopped shopping for three years, I started buying clothes again with a better idea of what clothes I like, and a better grasp on keeping control of my finances. Then we downsized our house became debt free and I felt like it was time to start shopping again. So that was kind of how I came to the conclusion to end my shopping freeze. It was you know really self led from a place of Okay, I'm ready to go this again. Thanks so much for hanging out and sharing my story. I hope you took something away from it that really resonated with you or gave you some ideas on things you can apply to your own life. And remember if you are someone who for sure is like yep, shopping addiction Check, check check. That sounds like me. Head to the shownotes I've got my Shopaholic survival kit there for you. It's totally free. And it gives you some of my best starter tips for shifting those spending habits so that you can get your life back on track. Thank you so much for carving some time out of your day to hang out with me on the unstuffed podcast. If you're not quite ready for our time to end head to the shownotes where you can join my soulful minimalism newsletter. This is where I will send you more soul centered minimalist content along with weekly journal prompts, affirmations and weekly declutter tips. Thank you again for being here. Until next time, I'm sending you so much love
Transcribed by https://otter.ai